That's surprisingly hard for me to admit. It shouldn't be, but I've always had the mentality that I could do anything. Within reason, of course, but that given the time, I could accomplish anything. But in the last few weeks, I have been reminded more and more of my shortcomings and inabilities. I am not invincible. I can't run full steam all day, and half the night and expect to be able to do it all again the next day. I can't load myself with only difficult classes and lots of obligations and expect to absorb all the information and perform well in all of them.
I don't know if my capacity for focus and comprehension has diminished, or if I am actually facing a significantly more difficult load of responsibility. But I just seem unable to do the things I expect myself to do. This semester is I think the first time that I have felt anxiety from stress. Interesting experience, I do not reccomend anxiety. I'm used to having and managing a large amount of stress, and I can usually control my nerves, so being close to the edge where anxiety begins to inhibit me physically and mentally was disconcerting.
Fortunately, that not is the my constant state of being. The majority of the time, I feel fine and enjoy life. Except for those moments when I am reminded that I am not as capable as I thought. Hopefully I find a renewed capacity soon, or become more aware of what my capacity limits are, and act within them. Until then, I am going to press on and hope my energy and ability lasts me through my labors.
Despite these remarks, life is good, and I am happy.
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